“She is one beautiful girl!” My heart beated shaking from a mixture of feelings!
I took a look at her as I held her in my arms, “She is!!” I said to the nurse. “How can you love someone so much that you just met?!” I was scared bringing a new baby into the world not knowing what to expect. Excitement filled me up as my mom took a look at her, “A new beginning” she said with a big smile on her face, “She is defiantly a Genesis.” As we drive home form the hospital she starts to cry. It was the cutest thing until the point where she wouldn’t shut up. We fed her some baby formula and she stopped. The first night was bad. She cried all through the night she just wouldn’t sleep. Since she was with me all day (because lucky for me it was summer vacation) I would not let her take naps through the day so maybe she would sleep at night, but it didn’t work. After awhile she got used to it and everything went better.
For her first birthday I took her to the store and I got her a new outfit that she loved! I showered her and got her ready, my mom threw her a birthday party. “She looks so cute and big!” My aunt said holding Genesis present in one of her hands, “She’s adorable” My older sister said, standing behind her. I knew Genesis was having a great time because like me she loves attention! Finally, it was time to cut the cake, she was ever so happy, and finally she blew the candle out! She was probably too young to know about the birthday wish so as I stood behind her and whisper “I hope you grow up to be a smart, strong and beautiful woman.” As for now I think its one wish that might actually come true!
When I take a look at her now (she’s three) it’s like I can see my reflection. She wants to be just like me.” When are you coming back?” she asks hoping I say today, holding back my tears I respond “Soon baby girl” I can see she wants to cry too. Her black, Chinese eyes can speak the words she doesn’t want to say, “Why not today? We can go pick you up, gather your stuff”, regretting every stupid decision I’ve made, wanting to cry, not wanting to hear what she’d say next “What’s wrong?” she asks confused as a three year old can be, not understanding the situation I have put myself in, I cant find an answer to her question. I hang up the phone, tell my fosters the call was lost. I can’t hold the tears any longer and I brake! Wanting to be with my little girl and whishing I was with her! I think of her again her face, her smile, her laugh, and it gives me hope! I find the reason I want to change, I find the reason why I need to straighten up... Because at home there is a little girl who waits for the day that I can be home to stay for good.
Friday, December 10, 2010
When I Walked Into the Court
“Claudia how have you been doing?” Asked my judge. I was 17years old when I walked into that court. It all started like this, the judge asked the group how I was doing and they said, she has got into a fight with a girl because of Miguel, and she has violated the Lightning Peaks rules, she has seen Miguel while she was in Lightning Peak. The Judge got mad more because I didn’t really go to school; i was just getting into a lot of trouble, not caring about my baby. I would always leave my baby with my mom when I was 15 years old I didn’t really think how it was being a mom. I was 15 years old when I first got into the system, that’s when I started being another Claudia. My baby boy was 10 months.
The reason I was in Lightning Peak was, because I got into fights, got alcohol tickets, curfew tickets the one that suggested me to be in that was the judge. When the judge heard everything she had to hear she said, “Claudia is put into DCFS, she has a choice to volunteer to take her baby with her.” I said, “I want him to come with me. I felt sad; angry towards this because I don’t want to put my son threw this. After court I said bye to my family I was crying because it hurt me being in the system because of a guy I love. My caseworker told us he was taking me to meet my foster parent’s. When I got to the DCFS I felt so sad because I was going away somewhere else away from my family but the good thing I had my baby. When the foster parent’s got their I said, “Hi”. They were white. When we got to their house they showed me my room, so I got in my room and started crying.
It’s been so hard for me being in foster care. I almost got my baby token away, but the good thing is I got a chance. The DCFS has given me lots of chances. The last chance they gave me I learned my lesson and started doing so well, and keeping my head up, because they aid any little thing I did I will get him token away. I know I should of change the day I had this baby, but I guess I was hard headed. I’ve been trough a lot in my life. I don’t have my parent’s, I’ on my own, I have 2 brother’s here, but I can’t move with them. I’ve learned not to give up and especially for someone I love, that is never their for his family.
In till this day I’ve never gave up, I have been doing well so I can support my son and I. I don’t need anybody I know I can do it by my self I don’t think I need his dad right now. I know I do but I have to do the best for my son, if he ever does change who knows we might be together, but till now I don’t want him in our life’s he has hurt us a lot, my baby doesn’t need that, but I’ll always have his back, and be down for him. In till this day I’ve learned to always listen to my parents, and never do anything for someone who is not worth it, always think about my baby first before I do something stupid because look what I’ve gotten my self and my baby into, but I’m almost threw this, I know I can do it on my own.
The reason I was in Lightning Peak was, because I got into fights, got alcohol tickets, curfew tickets the one that suggested me to be in that was the judge. When the judge heard everything she had to hear she said, “Claudia is put into DCFS, she has a choice to volunteer to take her baby with her.” I said, “I want him to come with me. I felt sad; angry towards this because I don’t want to put my son threw this. After court I said bye to my family I was crying because it hurt me being in the system because of a guy I love. My caseworker told us he was taking me to meet my foster parent’s. When I got to the DCFS I felt so sad because I was going away somewhere else away from my family but the good thing I had my baby. When the foster parent’s got their I said, “Hi”. They were white. When we got to their house they showed me my room, so I got in my room and started crying.
It’s been so hard for me being in foster care. I almost got my baby token away, but the good thing is I got a chance. The DCFS has given me lots of chances. The last chance they gave me I learned my lesson and started doing so well, and keeping my head up, because they aid any little thing I did I will get him token away. I know I should of change the day I had this baby, but I guess I was hard headed. I’ve been trough a lot in my life. I don’t have my parent’s, I’ on my own, I have 2 brother’s here, but I can’t move with them. I’ve learned not to give up and especially for someone I love, that is never their for his family.
In till this day I’ve never gave up, I have been doing well so I can support my son and I. I don’t need anybody I know I can do it by my self I don’t think I need his dad right now. I know I do but I have to do the best for my son, if he ever does change who knows we might be together, but till now I don’t want him in our life’s he has hurt us a lot, my baby doesn’t need that, but I’ll always have his back, and be down for him. In till this day I’ve learned to always listen to my parents, and never do anything for someone who is not worth it, always think about my baby first before I do something stupid because look what I’ve gotten my self and my baby into, but I’m almost threw this, I know I can do it on my own.
The Forever Proposal
“Hello? Mom, Guess what? I get to come home for a visit.” I said into the receiver to my mother. I was so excited to be able to come home and see my family.
“That’s great sweet-heart, what time do I need to pick you up?” my mother said to me as I asked my staff what was the best time. I then relayed the time to my mother.
Calmly and very suspiciously I asked my mother in a soft whisper “Mom make sure Ash comes with okay mom?”
“Don’t worry Hun I’ll make sure she comes,” my mother assured me. Then the line went dead, and I went to my room to get ready for the day of my biggest decision ever. I was so excited but at the same time, I was scared that what would happen if it wouldn’t go as I planned.
“Are you excited to go see your family Cody?” my staff asked me as I got ready to go to church. “Hell yeah I am why wouldn’t I be?” I asked questioningly. After church I went back to my room and was waiting very anxiously for my mother to arrive.
“Hey sweetie, are you ready to go?” asked my mother, as she checked me out of the place I was staying at, which in all consideration was a rhetorical question that I didn’t answer as we climbed into the truck to go to my home. The ride home was very short but quiet like my mom and dad were plotting some grand scheme.
“Hey babe” I said as I swept me girlfriend into my arms and embracing her with a big long warm hug and then released her and kissed her perfectly soft and beautiful lips.
“I’ve missed you so much babe,” my girlfriend said to me as my best friend walked up to me and embraced me in a friendly hug.
When we got inside we went to the living room and sat on the couch as my girlfriend cuddled right up next to me with the rest of my family around us, who were waiting to hear about what I had been up to for the past couple of months.
After a while we migrated to the kitchen for my girlfriends surprise birthday party, which she found out a couple of days before hand. We had some cake and mingled amongst ourselves tell each other what we have been up to for the past little while. When everyone started heading back to the living room I hollered at everyone.
“Wait Ash hasn’t open her presents yet” I said eagerly, stopping everyone in there tracks and they turned around and looked at me questioningly.
“Wait present? What present? I didn’t see anyone bring any presents in.” she asked as she looked around at everyone shaking there heads, until she met my eyes and realized I was on one knee with a little blue box.
“We have been through a lot the past few years there’s been pain, smiles, laughter, tears, but most of all there has always been love, Ashlie, I love you with all my heart and I want you to know that I want you, and only you, I want all of you forever and always. So now Ashlie Amanda Hansen, will you marry me?” as I opened the box and waited for her to answer. She suddenly broke into tears and smiled and said through all the emotion as hard as she could.
“Yes, yes forever I love you Cody, I would be happy to marry you.” As I slipped the ring onto her finger as she jumped on me and embraced me in another hug and locking her lips onto mine with a kiss. I felt overwhelmed and felt like my heart would burst out from my chest from the love I felt.
“That’s great sweet-heart, what time do I need to pick you up?” my mother said to me as I asked my staff what was the best time. I then relayed the time to my mother.
Calmly and very suspiciously I asked my mother in a soft whisper “Mom make sure Ash comes with okay mom?”
“Don’t worry Hun I’ll make sure she comes,” my mother assured me. Then the line went dead, and I went to my room to get ready for the day of my biggest decision ever. I was so excited but at the same time, I was scared that what would happen if it wouldn’t go as I planned.
“Are you excited to go see your family Cody?” my staff asked me as I got ready to go to church. “Hell yeah I am why wouldn’t I be?” I asked questioningly. After church I went back to my room and was waiting very anxiously for my mother to arrive.
“Hey sweetie, are you ready to go?” asked my mother, as she checked me out of the place I was staying at, which in all consideration was a rhetorical question that I didn’t answer as we climbed into the truck to go to my home. The ride home was very short but quiet like my mom and dad were plotting some grand scheme.
“Hey babe” I said as I swept me girlfriend into my arms and embracing her with a big long warm hug and then released her and kissed her perfectly soft and beautiful lips.
“I’ve missed you so much babe,” my girlfriend said to me as my best friend walked up to me and embraced me in a friendly hug.
When we got inside we went to the living room and sat on the couch as my girlfriend cuddled right up next to me with the rest of my family around us, who were waiting to hear about what I had been up to for the past couple of months.
After a while we migrated to the kitchen for my girlfriends surprise birthday party, which she found out a couple of days before hand. We had some cake and mingled amongst ourselves tell each other what we have been up to for the past little while. When everyone started heading back to the living room I hollered at everyone.
“Wait Ash hasn’t open her presents yet” I said eagerly, stopping everyone in there tracks and they turned around and looked at me questioningly.
“Wait present? What present? I didn’t see anyone bring any presents in.” she asked as she looked around at everyone shaking there heads, until she met my eyes and realized I was on one knee with a little blue box.
“We have been through a lot the past few years there’s been pain, smiles, laughter, tears, but most of all there has always been love, Ashlie, I love you with all my heart and I want you to know that I want you, and only you, I want all of you forever and always. So now Ashlie Amanda Hansen, will you marry me?” as I opened the box and waited for her to answer. She suddenly broke into tears and smiled and said through all the emotion as hard as she could.
“Yes, yes forever I love you Cody, I would be happy to marry you.” As I slipped the ring onto her finger as she jumped on me and embraced me in another hug and locking her lips onto mine with a kiss. I felt overwhelmed and felt like my heart would burst out from my chest from the love I felt.
Best Day Ever
“Oh my god, Your so beautiful” said my dad. “Thanks daddy.” I said. It has been 4 years since I have seen my dad, it was the best day of my life to see him again. I felt like crying, just from hugging him.
“Look you have grown so much mija, I’m so glad I can hold you in my arms once again.” He told me. “ you to dad, you look like your doin good, I couldn’t wait to see you.” I said. “are you ready to meet your little sister, she looks so much like you, I get you too mixed up all the time” He said.
I was kind of nervous to meet Brooklyn, because I was the last kid my dad had and I didn’t want my place to be taken from me.“ yeah I’m ready” Later that day we got to his house and Brooklyn was inside sleeping, my step mom wanted to wake her up, but I told her I can wait till she wakes up herself, just so she’s not so ornery”.
Brooklyn finally woke up, she looked straight at me. My dad wasn’t lying, me and Brooklyn looked exactly alike. She walked over to me like she had known me forever, she gave me a big hug and didn’t let go. It felt so good to meet her.
“Its like looking in the mirror, but when I was little” I told my dad. “ your telling me, when I saw her I was so shocked, I told Tiffany do you know who she looks like? She looks like her older sister” he said. “I guess your gens are strong” Tiffany said. We all laughed. I told me dad why I was hesitating to meet Brooklyn, He just laughed, and told me “baby girl you don’t have to worry about Brooklyn taking your place, you have a special place in my heart, he said you’re my baby girl no matter how old you get.”
What I learned from this experience was that no matter what or who comes into my dads life I’ll always be his little girl.
“Look you have grown so much mija, I’m so glad I can hold you in my arms once again.” He told me. “ you to dad, you look like your doin good, I couldn’t wait to see you.” I said. “are you ready to meet your little sister, she looks so much like you, I get you too mixed up all the time” He said.
I was kind of nervous to meet Brooklyn, because I was the last kid my dad had and I didn’t want my place to be taken from me.“ yeah I’m ready” Later that day we got to his house and Brooklyn was inside sleeping, my step mom wanted to wake her up, but I told her I can wait till she wakes up herself, just so she’s not so ornery”.
Brooklyn finally woke up, she looked straight at me. My dad wasn’t lying, me and Brooklyn looked exactly alike. She walked over to me like she had known me forever, she gave me a big hug and didn’t let go. It felt so good to meet her.
“Its like looking in the mirror, but when I was little” I told my dad. “ your telling me, when I saw her I was so shocked, I told Tiffany do you know who she looks like? She looks like her older sister” he said. “I guess your gens are strong” Tiffany said. We all laughed. I told me dad why I was hesitating to meet Brooklyn, He just laughed, and told me “baby girl you don’t have to worry about Brooklyn taking your place, you have a special place in my heart, he said you’re my baby girl no matter how old you get.”
What I learned from this experience was that no matter what or who comes into my dads life I’ll always be his little girl.
My Cold Blue Night
It was getting late and the kids were getting fussy, I got the bambinos fed, washed and into bed.
He worked late evenings from 8:00p.m. To 3:00a.m. It felt like I never had time with him anymore. When he got off work all he did was eat sleep and go back to work.
I read a book then fall asleep. At three twenty seven a.m. he woke me up with the softest kiss and told me he had something he wanted to show me.
For a moment I was angry, but at the same time I knew he wouldn’t wake me for nothing.
I felt the cold still lingering from around his body from coming in from the cold.
He took me by the hand, up the stares, and rushed me towards the living room window, quickly and quietly so we wouldn’t wake the baby’s.
“He told me to close my eyes” I was hesitant at first, and then I thought to myself “he so bought me a new car”. He opened the window then said to me “open your eyes”.
It was the most adorable thing, and it made up for all the times he didn’t have time for me. There were about seven deer in the street and in our yard they were all equally beautiful.
They were running around in our front yard and looked as if they were playing tag under the moon light.
The sky was a dark, smoky blue. The moon was full and the light was reflecting from the moon to the freshly fallen snow, it was beautiful.
The deer and the weather made it perfect.
The snow, the moon and the stars all together made it even more romantic, almost like a fairy tail. We stared at the scene I could feel him watching me, I whispered “their beautiful.” He smiled and said “I think you’re beautiful.”
Back then I thought that we were perfect. Now my thought is blank. From then on, I left the sweet memories that I held in my heart to treasure, behind me and decided to make myself a promise for my own good; the word (LOVE), the emotion (LOVE), that tight annoying felling in you throat and the butterflies in your tummy (LOVE) will never be excepted in this cold dark heart of mine again.
He worked late evenings from 8:00p.m. To 3:00a.m. It felt like I never had time with him anymore. When he got off work all he did was eat sleep and go back to work.
I read a book then fall asleep. At three twenty seven a.m. he woke me up with the softest kiss and told me he had something he wanted to show me.
For a moment I was angry, but at the same time I knew he wouldn’t wake me for nothing.
I felt the cold still lingering from around his body from coming in from the cold.
He took me by the hand, up the stares, and rushed me towards the living room window, quickly and quietly so we wouldn’t wake the baby’s.
“He told me to close my eyes” I was hesitant at first, and then I thought to myself “he so bought me a new car”. He opened the window then said to me “open your eyes”.
It was the most adorable thing, and it made up for all the times he didn’t have time for me. There were about seven deer in the street and in our yard they were all equally beautiful.
They were running around in our front yard and looked as if they were playing tag under the moon light.
The sky was a dark, smoky blue. The moon was full and the light was reflecting from the moon to the freshly fallen snow, it was beautiful.
The deer and the weather made it perfect.
The snow, the moon and the stars all together made it even more romantic, almost like a fairy tail. We stared at the scene I could feel him watching me, I whispered “their beautiful.” He smiled and said “I think you’re beautiful.”
Back then I thought that we were perfect. Now my thought is blank. From then on, I left the sweet memories that I held in my heart to treasure, behind me and decided to make myself a promise for my own good; the word (LOVE), the emotion (LOVE), that tight annoying felling in you throat and the butterflies in your tummy (LOVE) will never be excepted in this cold dark heart of mine again.
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